5-28-23

 I feel like I never went to sleep. 

We never touched weed. Or the blow. Or the vodka. 

We talked. 

A lot. 

And he is stressing for me to get the fuck out of here. Leave. It's going to get ugly. 

I told him I can't. Dad wants me to stay, and then Jimmy told me to do what I was told when I get down there. 

His eyes got huge. Like fucking huge, man. 

"Shit, they're sending you down there?" He was ...maybe incredulous? 

I did detect a bit of jealousy. Maybe not. 

There is not enough space for it here. Moving on: 

I talked to him about Nathara. He nodded, kind of sad.  "I get it." Then he told me about how he hadn't heard from Erin since they graduated. I was shocked. I thought they'd been together this whole time. 

He shook his head, sadly. She did something similar. Had obligations. 

At this point, we grabbed our coats and we went down to the taco place at Broome and Bowery and grabbed some food. Over tacos and iced tea we talked about our time back home. 

He asked if I'd ever heard my dad and uncle talk about the "end". 

And at first I said no. But later on, when I was sitting on the porch, I remembered that it wasn't my dad, it was Andy. Andy Peters. We were at a frat party early on. Fuck, we were sitting out in the jacuzzi, chilling with a fatty and he just looked at up at the sky, just the same way Nathara did and he said, "I'm not ready for this to end." 

I thought he was talking about school. The party. Whatever. 

But then last year, it was his last year. We were at the bar having a drink. He said "crazy, just as it begins, it ends." 

I thought he was fucking losing it. 

I tried to find him on social media yesterday and got nowhere. Yesterday was a blur. I spent the entire day online digging. Following leads to anywhere. Went down rabbit holes. Super wired by the time I crashed. 
Today I'm getting shit ready for work. 

Tomorrow should be fun.